


Sacred Play, Secret Place

by skyearth2512



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: First Times, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Secret Relationships, chenji canon, how they got together, inspired by actual events, jun from svntn is briefly mentioned, noren briefly mentioned, relationship dynamics, set during ridin comeback, sex is mentioned but nothing graphic, slight jealousy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyearth2512/pseuds/skyearth2512
Summary: Jisung thought that whenever he got together with Chenle, things would be easy. But he still had much to learn about this little thing called love...And a brief chronicle on how chenle and jisung got together through those moments of one-sided (?) pining.
Relationships: Park Jisung & Zhong Chen Le, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49





	Sacred Play, Secret Place

**Author's Note:**

> _People say that this is what love is like  
>  But to me, it’s an unfamiliar nervousness_  
> 
> 
> Time skips are denoted by "*", most of the main story came from happenings around 9-10 June 2020

Jisung traces the details of Chenle's face. From his forehead, to his long lashes, the closed lids with the slightly upturned slit, his high cheekbones and finally down to his pillowy lips. He stares and tries to commit into memory the image of how Chenle looks sleeping next to him. Peaceful, quiet, like a cat bathing in the warm sun. Jisung can’t help but break into a little smile. Nothing beats the feeling of waking up next to the person you like the most, especially when said person doesn’t stay with you all the time. Jisung grins and for the umpteenth time, cannot believe that this is even real, just 2 months ago he was still wondering how long he would have to keep this one sided crush of his to himself. But now...Chenle is finally his… 

*

It all started when Chenle first returned to the dorm for the comeback. In typical Jisung fashion, he would become like an obedient puppy sticking by his owner. He would settle next to Chenle as he played games and then find an excuse to watch a show together in Chenle’s room. By the end of the night, he’d do what he’d always done when they shared a room--pretended that Chenle’s bed was his and refused to move. The last comeback was tough since Chenle shared a room with Renjun. but when he started noticing Chenle sleeping in the living room from pure exhaustion , he made up some excuse to get kicked out from his room (basically eating in Jaemin's bed) and shared the living room snoozes with his best friend. 

As per usual, Chenle would try to kick him out

"ya, park jisung. go back to your bed. get out."

"u can go to mine, im going to sleep here"

"screw you. im not sleeping on the bunk bed. get out"

but somehow Chenle always loses the battle. With exasperated sighs, Chenle would climb into bed with Jisung grumbling that its too hot and that he won’t be able to sleep well. While complaining, he would somehow scoot under the same blanket with Jisung, eventually settling into a little ball next to him.

Jisung loves getting to share a bed with Chenle, it reminded him of their younger days when there wasn’t enough beds and they would share a mattress talking until the wee morning (much like when they did that first nct life together). but recently, it didn’t feel enough. Jisung wanted to scoot closer and become the big spoon to Chenle's crouched body whenever they were in bed, move closer and kiss his lips every time chenle starting whining about something just to shut him up and more than that, he just wanted Chenle to be his. n not feel so agitated every time someone laid a hand on Chenle or when someone hugged him unexpectedly. 

*

Chenle wakes up and they both realizes its 11. they get a flurry of bubble msgs asking if they had spent the night together and Chenle looks uncomfortable. 

"how would they know we’re together. "

"well they could hear your laughter on Jaemin's video last night"

"yea at that time i already told him not to make it obvious i was here, he even made that 3 person comment remember? so that it wouldn’t seem like i was there"

Jisung being the twitter expert he is, digs n goes "ahhh its cause Jaemin said he was alone in his room"

"what???"

"but seriously who cares, if you were here wouldn’t it b obvious we would be together"

"i care. i told u before if we’re doing this. i want it to be low-key. i don’t think us being together should be for everyone to see, we already do so much together. besides…fan shipping us together is one thing. if we’re actually together, u don’t now what will happen"

"ok…ok i get it. but what can we do anyway"

"idk. i’ll think about it." Chenle responds

Jisung and Chenle have their “breakfast” which is pretty much basically lunch. and Jisung is in his high spirits and chatty moods since Chenle slept over. Chenle is quieter than usual, sullenly staring at his phone scrolling through the random questions on bubble and weibo regarding where he was last night

he remembers that Renjun has a live radio that night n stands up and barges into Renjun's room.

"hey ge, can u just make it so it seems like i wasn’t here last night"

"what? why?"

"just. don’t want to deal with questions."

Renjun stares with narrowed, slightly suspicious eyes. Jisung and Chenle has never said anything to the 00 line about them…but Renjun isn’t an idiot. Besides, he had (well at this point, who hadn’t?) known of Jisung's feelings for awhile, especially from all their late night talks. Recently, he has noticed how unnaturally close those two would sit together on the sofa and how much more touchy Jisung has been around Chenle. and really Renjun doesn’t feel like he actually wants to know what’s up with them, he lives in the same dorm and the thought of anything remotely romantic send shiver down his spine and maybe even a slight gag reflex. 

"fine but your laugh is super obvious u know.."

"just say its yours."

"ugh why would i ever make such a high note???"

"please.."

Renjun knows Chenle seldom ask for much and softens

"……you owe me one"

"malatang?"

"yea and you better get it hand-delivered to the dorm the next time u come. "

"ok thanks. you’re the best!"

and he walks out and tells Jisung that its been resolved

Jisung mouth forms into a tiny downward pout, he couldnt help but feel a little hurt that Chenle would go through such troubles just to make it seem like they weren’t together last night. They were part of the same group so it wouldn’t have been weird at all. He remembered how Chenle reacted similarly the other day as well

*

It was the day that Renjun, Jaemin and Jeno had their arena photoshoot. Jisung had texted the night before to let Chenle know that the 00 bros were going to be gone by 10am. Chenle just responded ok - i’ll bring breakfast - and Jisung feeling excited that night, wrote on lysn that he “can’t wait to meet you soon”

At 830am Jisung woke up just from sheer anticipation, but eventually drifted back to sleep. Suddenly, he was jolted up by a cold air gust through the room. 

"ya your room is hot as hell how do you survive."

Being half asleep, Jisung just goes “its cold” and tries to burrow into bed. but Chenle lifts the blanket up and goes "ya, i came here n brought breakfast are u still gonna sleep" and then proceeds to force Jisung up. Jisung usually dress light in the dorm but with the cool air from the open window blowing through, Jisung can’t help but sneezed a few times. 

after breakfast, they had settled into watching a show together in Chenle's room. It was one of those funny chinese variety shows that Chenle liked so much. Chenle would often pause and explain the scenario to Jisung, and Jisung would laugh and nod, not really listening to anything he said but just musing at how cute Chenle was. at some point Chenle caught on 

"are u even listening to what im saying?!"

and Jisung laughs while staring Chenle in the eye. 

"not really, im basically just thinking how cute you are. "

"pabo. "

"yea pabo for u…"

n in that swift moment, since Jisung felt like he’d been patient enough. Jisung went in for a kiss. it catches Chenle by surprise, but he doesn’t push Jisung away. The light peck changes slowly into a deeper exchange. and eventually they move from sitting up to lying down, Chenle on his back and Jisung above wrapping Chenle in his arms. 

As the kiss became more passionate, Chenle let out a tiny sigh. Jisung stops and stares at Chenle, eyes darting back and forth from Chenle’s shiny eyes, flushed cheeks and glossy lips. His heartbeat sped up as he felt like a wolf about to devour a gentle rabbit. With a smirk he goes, 

"Want to do it?"

Jisung knows the ask. Neither of them had any experience in this area so it was probably a huge step for the both of them. But ever since their first kiss, Jisung has been longing for a little more. Unfortunately, the hyungs were always around, and as much as he wanted Chenle, he also wanted some privacy in the matter.

Chenle face was already a rose shade from the kissing but it got a shade redder. He doesn’t say much, just looks sheepishly downwards with a tiny nod. That itself was enough for Jisung to get going. 

The late spring air was cool that morning, but the sun that filtered through the curtains warmed the room up. In the rare quiet stillness of their dorm, Jisung and Chenle made love for the first time. It was awkward at times, and there were a ton of giggles, but each time they looked each other in the eyes, they knew implicitly the trust that their years of friendship had built up. The intensity of being together was more than anything Jisung could have imagined in his dreams. and Chenle who was unexpectedly compliant never expected the way being with Jisung would feel.

When it was over, Chenle laid in Jisung’s arms and though neither of them said anything, satisfied sighs of bliss echoed through the air. 

Around 4pm, Chenle realized he had to go home as he remembered that his mom was cooking his fav luosifen that day. He bids Jisung farewell and then leaves, and Jisung is left reeling from the events of the day. Eventually, he switches on v app because he was on cloud nine after having had done it for the first time and since his hyungs werent back from the shoot, he just wanted to talk to someone. 

And as he often felt like czennies were his friends, he didn’t even realize how much he talked about Chenle that day…

"yea why is it that all the parts that i like are Chenle parts.."

"is it because u like Chenle?"

"ah is that so?"

"that’s probably true .." 

At night, instead of a sweet goodnight message. he received the following text from Chenle --

-yo what the hell park Jisung. why are u talking about me so much-

-what! im just happy today. not like i said anything about u being here or not-

-u better not!-

n so the next vlive when everyone was asking why he had a runny nose, he knew the reason and all he could say was “i won’t say who but…

someone…i won’t say who. left the window open and a gust of cold wind came in..” 

*

That night, after Chenle was gone, he got to watch the cooking show and he was feeling really please and fluffy inside as he noticed how encouraging Chenle was to him. He goes on twitter to see if the fans thought the same and to his delight, they noticed even little details that he didn’t realize the first time. Its strange that Jisung goes on twitter to search about chenji as often as he does, he blames his bad memory but he could never pick up on things Chenle does when it happens and so he was always grateful the fans were able to capture those memories for him. 

though sometimes the discomfort of looking at himself and the way he stares at Chenle makes him grimace. Overall Jisung has gotten better at biting through listening to himself sing and dance, or watching himself on a variety show, but the face he makes with Chenle still makes him instinctively move his hands up onto his face and watch it through filtered fingers. It used to even hurt him because he felt that he was the only one with those feelings sewed right onto his sleeves....Stilll, despite being aware of it, he didn’t know how to stop. He really just couldnt help it. Chenle was just too cute. 

At least now he knows Chenle feels the same…..right? 

*

it was the night after weekly idol. Jisung remembered how his heart skipped a little when he heard about the red threads of fate. Of course he knew the folktale…the boy who was told of his fate with the little girl and refusing to believe it, decided to throw rocks at her. Eventually, when he grew up, he wondered why his perfect bride had scars on her face. She mentioned how a little boy had randomly decided to throw rocks at her face and he realized it was the same girl he met when he was younger...

Jisung loves stories like that, and it was part of the reason why he gravitated to Chenle initially. A part of him wanted to believe that Chenle meeting him again was a type of destiny meant for the both of them. 

As much as he had hoped to be paired with Chenle, he knew that it was just a game anyway, so imagine his surprise when they not only got paired together, but also received the "head" word. When he saw that Renjun and Jeno got each other and the shoulder card as well, he felt deep in his gut that the threads weren’t lying. There was something about the two of them that felt unexplicably bonded by fate. Call it red strings of thread, or destiny or soulmates or whatever else, Jisung knew in his heart that whatever they had, it was something special. 

Feeling embolden that night, Jisung again weaseled his way into Chenle’s bed. 

"red strings of fate huh, what did u think about that?"

Chenle doesn’t return eye contact and simply looks at his phone "what about it ?"

"Don’t u think its strange that we somehow always find a way back to each other"

"its a 1 in 5 probability, that’s not too bad of an odd" Chenle shrugs

Jisung bites his lips. he knows Chenle would dismiss this as he usually does. But somehow, tonight, he couldn’t let it go.

"I don’t think it was a 1 in 5 chance we met again from the children concert. There were hundreds of children that night, and you out of all the kids sat next to me. And even before i knew it was the same you, I wanted to talk to you when you first came to sm. I...I can’t help but be drawn to you. No matter what...and no matter how much i try not to be…"

Not expecting such a moment of sincerity, Chenle raises his head up and he locks eyes with Jisung. Though it was only a few seconds, it felt too much and Chenle blinks quickly, ready to look down again but Jisung moves forward 

and catches his lips. 

Chenle eyes widens and body stiffens. 

Jisung realizes what he has done. The stunned face on Chenle is enough to snap him out of the reverie. 

"Im sorry!" he quickly whispers. and gets ready to leave 

as he scrambles out of bed, he feels Chenle tugging at his shirt and turns back 

Chenle now red as a beet simply says "stay."

and that night, Jisung and Chenle made out.

*

Chenle never ended up saying i like you or anything now that he thought about it. He just didn’t move away when the second kiss happened. Though, after that since Jisung felt more certain that Chenle at least felt _something_ towards him…Jisung had been trying his best to reach out to Chenle to try and find some time alone together; like the time when he knew the hyungs were biking after the mmtg filming, he made sure to text Chenle to come over to the dorm.

That day, they had sex for the second time. 

Jisung realizes that Chenle always comes along whenever Jisung asks, and he has never rejected any of Jisung’s advances...but…Chenle almost never initiates and its strange that they haven’t even said i like you to each other yet. 

the only thing Chenle says all the time is ‘let’s not tell anyone about this.’

but maybe that’s fine. Jisung knows from being with Chenle for years that he isn’t someone that likes to open up. Anyway, wasn't there a saying that love is a verb ? if that’s the case then the way Chenle had always supported Jisung and been by his side, through all of their various antics had to mean something. 

Eventually as he was scrolling down twitter around midnight, he saw 

-JISUNG YOU SEEING THIS?-

wait what? see what? 

and then he opens up the thread. 

He sees a super big happy birthday to Jun from svtn. Ah...another one of the hyungs that Chenle is friends with. Bow does he have so many friends?? Jisungliterally only knows sm people but Chenle seems to make friends with everyone, Hrvy, Felix, jun…...it always makes Jisung uneasy whenever he gets wind of Chenle going out with one of them on the days that he had wanted to asked him out. It was also one of the reasons why Jisung sometimes ignores his messages, they were usually after one of those days. And wow, the emojis were intense…he didn’t even write that happy of a message for Jisung’s bday. 

Just a happy bday Jisung, n then went to meet him for steak with the team.  
*

He remembered that time early this year, that awkward moment some time during December until slightly before the comeback preparation that Chenle and Jisung first started feeling a bit distant. He wondered if it was because ye had started being cold towards Chenle once he knew that Chenle n Felix were playing games together, or that at that point of time, Jisung really had no management of his feelings and Chenle had started catching wind of it. There were days in which Chenle wouldn’t even call during the lockdown and every time they met, something strange hung in the air between them. Like the same side of the poles a magnet. repelling whenever they got too close. 

what was that anyway? and why was it gone this time around? It felt like Chenle wanted to shut him out for bit and then abruptly decided to put the gates down. 

Jisung looks below and then sees the two words at the end. he didn’t need a korean translator to know what those 2 words meant, the way his face froze when Chenle first said it in chinese to him on that huya live 2 years ago. the words that he wanted more than anything to say to Chenle when Chenle was being adorably cute, or when Chenle encouraged him when he felt down or when Jisung stared a little too long in that beautiful eyes of his….

or when Chenle was lying next to him in the morning as Jisung traces his face

-just in time, little genius. love you.-

love you??? and with the kiss emoji???!

Jisung felt his blood boiling again. That familiar feeling whenever he noticed the hands of his hyungs on Chenle, or when Chenle is laughing with Felix or goes out to meet Mark without him. Jisung hates the he has this part of him, that selfish part that possessively wanted Chenle only for himself.

But this? such words laid out for the whole world to see when Chenle has been trying to erase even the trace of them hanging out together last night despite being from the same band.

Words he hasn’t even said to Chenle. or heard back that wasn’t through some comment on vlive. 

And he also thought…aren’t they together now? would any guy be ok if some other person said this to his..his…lover? are they lovers? is Chenle his boyfriend now? what are they?

it’s a mess in his head but the anger is enough fuel for Jisung to screenshot the message and send it to Chenle

-what’s that about

lol….i thought u don’t use weibo-

-i don’t, this was on twitter. what the fuck Chenle 

woa. language. what? i can’t wish my friend happy bday?-

-no its not that. but do guys just go around saying i love you to each other. 

well, yes i think so. doesn’t Jaemin hyung say that to you everyday??

-thats different. 

how is it diff? Jeno hyung, Haechan hyung..everyone does it. why are u acting like this.-

-does he know we’re together? 

-what? of course not! Why would i tell him? We havent even said anything to our own hyungs? what’s up with you today? are you jealous?

-.....i just don’t like guys saying such things things to my boyfriend

hahaha am i your boyfriend now?- 

-idk are you?

-what are we anyway?

-we kiss and we hook up and the next day you want to pretend like it never happened

-are we just fuck buddies then

-friends in the same group needing a way to get off?

woa park jisung. what the hell are you saying-

-im just saying that you’re ok with such affections for the whole world to see. but somehow….your lack of affection is only for me? 

-i get it, in shows u have to keep up that front, so you choose anyone else but me 

-but like after what u did this morning, feeling so ashamed at the thought of us being together 

-n now i see some other guy plastering all over social media telling you he loves you. 

-how do you think that makes me feel?

Jisung sees the bubble of the dots coming and stopping and coming and stopping. The wait that seems to stretch out forever. Jisung knows, Jisung knows deep in his heart that he prob likes Chenle way more than Chenle likes him. He has been on cloud 9 ever since that first kiss.

Every song reminds him of Chenle. 

And every emotion he felt when he was together. thinking and wondering is this how happiness feels when you get to be with the person you love. 

He even couldn’t help but wax lyrical on vlive one day

‘there are emotions that I'm just starting to learn right? Even when I'm learning those emotions

i think about it very deeply

im living for the taste of learning [this feelings]’

but maybe..its too much for Chenle 

or maybe its not enough for Jisung

has Jisung even grown up at all?

Jisung ah -

the message responds

iim sorry - 

and Jisung worries about what the next line would be. lets stop this? he thinks as he shuts his eyes

i didn’t know you felt that way - 

but….it doesn’t matter who knows about us or what other people think -

all that matters. is what we have with each other. -

i don’t like other people prying about it because they don’t know us, and i hate it when we’re just reduced to a concept, - 

or people make assumptions - 

what matters to me…is how i feel when im with you -

not whether people know that im with you -

i want those moments just between us. -

and telling the whole world, feels like im sharing you -

maybe im selfish , but i just want you for myself -

is that so bad? - 

Jisung reads and re-reads the message, his heart swells and he remembers once again why he fell in love with Chenle. His ability to be straightforward and simple with his heart, to stay true to what he thinks and how he never worries about what the world thinks whereas Jisung was always trying to fit into and be right for the world. 

He presses dial on the number and Chenle picks up right away. 

"no you’re not selfish at all

im the one who’s selfish. so much so that i want to tell the whole world that you’re mine just so they would know to not get too close 

sometimes i want you so much it hurts 

you are so good at not showing how u feel around other ppl, that i often wonder if you’re embarrassed about us or…or me"

Park Jisung you pabo ah....

how could i ever be embarrassed of being liked by this tall, handsome….hot...boy..that is only for me.."

Jisung smiles and lets out a giggle, It's the most he has ever heard Chenle compliment him. 'Wow, I must have really scared him for him to reach this way' he thought. 

"but u know. its not that i don’t care about what the world thinks 

i think sometimes you don’t care enough. 

...im sure you noticed that…there was a time that i pulled away from you

its..its prob the time that i could tell that u had feelings for me. i wasn’t sure for a real long time, but i think as i’ve matured i realized that perhaps our relationship wasn’t that simple…and you…you really don’t try to hide it at all. 

and…i was scared about my feelings in this

not because i didn’t feel the same 

but what that could mean for us.

Jisung-ah, have you ever stopped to think about it?

what that would mean for us in the group? how would the hyungs feel? just imagine how would you feel if Jeno hyung and Renjun hyung actlually got together and openly started dating in front of us..

i can see your awkward face already or even your worried face at what that might mean to the team. 

they would feel the same.

what about our parents? i don’t think im ready to have the conversation that im dating my best friend at all.

what about the company? our managers? i don’t want a lecture on simply liking someone 

and in the end what about the fans that we love so much? don’t we owe it to them to not date. and lets be honest this is korea, i think its fun when its for show but its prob not so fun if its real…

have you thought about all of that? before u want to tell the world?"

Jisung is quiet. he’s shocked that Chenle had thought so much about this. Jisung worries a lot but it's often about himself and how the world related to him...but Chenle, Chenle thought about everyone else. that warmth soul of not wanting to hurt others was one of the things that drew Jisung to him at the start. 

"no…" Jisung said quietly

"so is that why you tried to pull away? did u not want to be with me? and is what we’re doing wrong then? should we…should i have not…?"

once a thought plants in Jisung's heads, he’s able to run with it in a 1000 direction with 20000 worries. He starts remembering those times that he would barrage himself, repeating over and over again that he was so stupid to fall for a teammate. 

This was all his fault…Jisung was about to say but Chenle quickly cut him off 

"i wanted to. i thought maybe i could get you to give up if i was colder. 

i wanted to remind ourselves that we were friends only. even if i hurt you…i prob could’ve done it….

but…

Jisung. im not as kind as you think i am. 

i want to be happy too. 

and i didn’t think i could bear the way your eyes looked every time i tried to push you away. 

when you were with me that night. i thought fuck it. i wanted to kiss you too. and in that room when its just the two of us, i didn’t have to think about all these what ifs. 

and…that’s how i wanted it to stay. just us in that room. without the world around us.

maybe im a coward. but i don’t think im ready to fight that fight. i’ve only just started coming around to thinking about this myself.

is that ok? park jisung? 

or is that too much?"

Jisung clenches his teeth. he could feel the tears coming. He wasn’t even sure why. he wasn’t hurt, he wasn’t angry, was he sad? No….it wasn’t about him, he just couldn’t bear that he made Chenle feel that way. 

"Chenle, whatever you want to do. even if we never told a single soul for the rest of our lives...

or even if you had actually pushed me away and told me we could only be friends…

i don’t think i could ever say no to you. 

everything about you, all of you. i love it all. 

i love you, Chenle.

我爱你.“

there was silence over the phone

"i wish i could be with you now"

Jisung said again. 

"no its better not. my whole face is red as hell."

Jisung laughs, it has only been a few hours since they were last together in the same bed but god, Jisung misses him and he breaks into a little smiles thinking about how cute Chenle must be right now 

"aren’t you going to say it back?"

Jisung teases, though part of him is slightly sulking that Chenle wouldn’t.

No response. Jisung pouts. 

"So other people can say it, but i can’t say it?"

"What are you talking about. i never respond to them do i? 

and i didn’t respond to that message either, just fyi"

and Jisung laughs. Jisung knows he doesn’t need the words to tell him what he already felt in his heart. Jisung had felt it for a long time, maybe not in the same way that Jisung felt for Chenle but through the words of encouragements when he's down, the solid presence by Jisung whenever he's worried, the bright confidence booster that he never knew he needed, Jisung knew, without a doubt, that Chenle loves him. and that he was lucky to be loved by such a friend. his best friend.

"hey its late…shouldn’t u sleep"

"u know i don’t sleep that early"

"yea but i want to play some video game, i was stuck in that round when u messaged me"

"araso araso...i get it. go and play your video game then "

like Jisung said, he could never no to Chenle. 

"goodnight my boyfriend"

"shut up. i didn’t say i wanted to be yours "

"its ok, i'll only say it between the two of us"

"....fine."

"goodnight park jisung

and

i love you too."

and then Chenle hangs up the phone without waiting for Jisung to respond. 

Jisung smiles. 

life is strange indeed. He thought just by falling in love, he would know what love meant

but every day he’s learning something new. 

questions come up all the time

and maybe they still don’t know where they’ll go

and there’d be many more unknowns

but he was glad, that through it all

he was learning it with Chenle

his answer.

**Author's Note:**

> The ending part was inspired by the To Chenle, from Jisung (Beyond Dreamshow Photobook) as well as the lyrics from My Page (which Jisung wrote in the photobook was the most meaningful to him)
> 
> A lot of the story came from actual situations (though the reactions were obviously all in my head), if you would like to know about any particular part and when it happened/if it was real, feel free to ask!)


End file.
